ADHD

there is constant noise

there is constant noise in the back of my head at the bottom of my skull and up around my ears and it’s on loop loop loop

seg

ments

repeat and skip over each other like a finger is holding down the “next track” button on an ipod

when you speak to me, song lyrics underline your words

when i speak back, i’ve had this conversation already but it’s going differently this time

put on the brakes

pput on the brakes

and i am stuck with the sudden quiet of the moment

i know where i am, what i feel and i own it

i enjoy the peace this silence will bring me

it’s cool and it’s calm but it doesn’t come easy

 

click click

clickclickclickclickclick

cl ick

my mind flips channels, rapid-fire

sounds first, images, color

smells

tastes

the brain in my head is someone I don’t trust

I think, “Alright, darling, someone is speaking to you

now listen. “

while behind my eyes,

lyrics scroll past

memories are picked up, turned over

plans are made

the music doesn’t stop

well-meaning people tell me that I should be medicated.

so I let the pill leap down my throat

and it brings the world into painful brightness

everything i and I can see and hear and remember and I can’t breathe and my heart wants to burst

and the music has stopped

No.

my world won’t go so fast, at such a ludicrous pace

I’ll keep channel-flipping, this suits me fine

click click click