The Ballad of Patti-Belle Mayfair

Young Miss Mayfair was just fifteen

With virtues pure and morals clean

And parents laying out her dreams

Said “Sweetling, you’ll be married.”


Young Miss Mayfair did not agree

No man alive she cared to see

Indignant and bewildered, she

Asked “Why should I be married?”


Young Miss Mayfair tried to explain

That wedlock’s cage would cause her pain

O’er her, a man would never reign

And she would not be married


Young Miss Mayfair’s suitor, he said

“I’ll see this through, or see you dead

now place this veil upon your head

and thus we will be married.”


Young Miss Mayfair’s sweet lips did frown

She sighed and gazed upon the ground

She would not wear that mournful gown

And she would not be married


The Mayfair parents were enraged

Their daughter was to be engaged

And thus pass on the family name

The girl had to be married


The suitor didn’t care a bit

He’d marry this blond, blue-eyed twit

Her fortune, he’d take all of it

So what? Sure, they’d be married


The Mayfair parents learned of this

The suitor’s rougeish scheming, his

ungentlemanly planning, “Kiss

the gold goodbye, no marriage!”


Young Miss Mayfair went further still

With appetites that she would fill

Her would-be groom she then did kill

And him, she would not marry


The Mayfair parents cheered her on

And chopped his body up at dawn

The would-be son of theirs was gone

Their daughter would not marry


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