promo

I would love to invite you to GENDR. It’s a social network that’s really geared towards queer folk/trans and nonbinary beings/both.

It’s pretty cozy, as the network is still rather small, and that’s one of the things I like about it. When I talk in that space, I feel like my voice is actually heard instead of being just a blip on someone’s always-overfilled radar.

The feeling of “community” is my most valuable takeaway from GENDR. It’s nice to have somewhere to go where I can be surrounded by people I have something in common with; people who are like me and can already identify with and relate to the struggles of being trans and queer.

Use this link to join the network:

https://www.gendrcommunity.com/share/ICAgMzk4Nzg2

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challenges

My dream wedding…?

So my fiancee asked me to marry him in front of the parade at Dragon*Con 2016. I wish I had a quarter for every time I’ve heard “So when are you two gonna get married?” :/ The answer is: when we bloody well please. 

More accurately, we want it to be about a year-long engagement, AND I want to have my top surgery before I get married. So I haven’t given the thing much thought.

That being said, I’m reasonably certain I want there to be trees. With fairy lights all up in there, for an extra-magical atmosphere. 

I want one of my co-workers to sing at my wedding (yep, if you’re reading this, that means you, Yoshi). 

The bottom line with what I want out of the whole wedding thing is just a big-ass party with delicious cake and quality (like top-shelf) booze and sick music, all for the purposes of showing how much Gabe and I love each other. 

Another vital component: I want to be beautiful and wearing something fabulous; I want to turn some heads.

If I didn’t care about any of the above, I’d just drive us down to the courthouse tomorrow and get us married. But I’m pagan and poly and I LOVE pageantry, so these things must be taken into account. 

I definitely want something symbolizing openness, you know? Like yes, I’m binding myself to this man for life, which will remain true and hold fast until I die, but that doesn’t mean he’s the only one I have playtime with (just so you know, the poly thing has DEFINITELY been discussed, and was brought up [by me] when he proposed [just to make sure it’s all cool!]). 

Also I’m kind of a symbolism enthusiast, so I’m sure my pagan influences are going to inform some if not all of the stylistic choices I make with my wedding.

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challenges

Presenting: the best snake

I love reptiles, and ball pythons sit at the absolute top of my list. I had one as a child (her name was Sasha and we were best friends) and I would love to have one again.

They’re so docile and sweet, and they don’t grow to be an unmanageable size, either! And soooo cute, ugh just look at ’em:

Oooooh that sweet lil puppyface ;o; precious wonderful noodle babies!!

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challenges, selfies

730 days

Wow my life was in a different place two years ago. I was all fired up to debut my Vivi cosplay at my first Mystery Skulls concert that I was attending with my dear friends Aerial and Moss (literally…a life-changing experience).

My hair was longer and my skin was clearer…you know what, though? Those qualities are coming back. I do look wistfully at my selfies before I started T, but I’m gonna get that stuff back 💖 I talked to my doctor about an Epiduo prescription, and hair will actually grow back on its own. Like, it just does that.

But yeah, I can’t help feeling optimistic at the start of the new year.

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challenges

2nd and Charles is a shelter for my spirit

This place is basically hipster heaven and I love it. 2nd and Charles is a chain store that offers tons of second-hand media (up to and including musical instruments), and bunches of fun nerd merch as well. There are rows of bookshelves to get lost in, chairs to plop down in and flip through that weird self-help book you found, an area to play games on the Wii or Xbox with a friend, and a whole mess of fun tchotchkes to look through on your way up to the checkout. My fiance and I particularly enjoy the FNAF blind box figures…although I just got my third of the same one (anybody need them a tiny Springtrap?).

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poetry

optimism

When I’m by myself and the silence is crushing

that’s when depression decides to drop by

It tells me I’m worthless, it tells me I’m nothing

My head in my hands, I try not to cry

I wonder sometimes, what it would be like

to go for a day without hating myself

And tell these bad thoughts to just take a hike

And bottle my tears, put them high on a shelf

This is a battle I never thought I’d fight

Sadness coming over me out of nowhere

But by now I’ve the heart of a war-hardened knight

And I lift up my weapons of hope and self-care

God help me, I won’t be another statistic

“They couldn’t deal with it, the world was too rough”

I’ll dismantle my feelings with methods artistic

With lyrics and verse, but will this be enough?

Can writing this down really help my depression?

I don’t understand, it’s just words on a page…

I guess it’s a visual mind-decompression

my sorrow can now, finally, exit the stage

Laying these words down, I follow my thoughts

I see where my heart goes, the paths my mind takes

Depression sneers at me with all that it’s got

But I’ll stand up and foil every move it can make

This will not destroy me, I will not retreat

And I’ll handle myself with pure, joyful grace

Lots of friends on my side, I can stay on my feet

And keep fighting on with a smile on my face

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